Late 20s - the worst time of your life

It is overwhelming, especially in your late 20s, as you feel a constant pressure that your golden years are running out, and that time is moving too quickly. You’re constantly playing catchup with life but never seem to catch a break. You feel like a child pretending to be an adult; an imposter trying to make sense of life. And no, you don’t have your life figured out. Quite far from it. Every day can feel like a new version of “quarter-life crisis”, or a term I like better “existential crisis”.

“I will never be this young again.”
“What am I doing with my life?”
”Am I just wasting time?”

You are confused, most of the time. And then there's social media, an amplifier of our deepest insecurities. Each notification can sometimes seem like a reminder of the life you "should" be living. Someone your age is getting promoted at work, a coworker is buying a new car, someone else is going on a luxurious trip abroad, your friend from school is getting married, another is expanding their business. Everyone else seems to be living their dream lives. Everyone but you.

Pat. Pat. It is okay…

It is important to remember that all these posts on Instagram and all these social media are just highlight reels of everyone's successes, juxtaposed against our very private struggles. It is ironic but we laugh in public and cry in private.

While it is all overwhelming, many who come before us have survived their 20s, so it is definitely not all that bad. In fact, we will probably all come out the other side stronger and wiser if we choose to go through this rollercoaster of a journey with intention.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?

And as someone who is going through this, here are some silver linings about growing older.

A Better Understanding of You

The beautiful thing about getting older is that you've spent more years being you and that itself is an immense blessing.

You know why hiring managers prioritize work experience when recruiting? That is because experience, most of the time, equates to professionalism and maturity.

Imagine a manager who has overseen a bustling restaurant for 20 years. She’s got the place down to an art, at this point. She knows precisely when the lunch rush starts, can point out that one rickety floorboard near the restroom, and will remember your favorite dessert if you've been there more than twice. But it’s not just about the good days. She has seen her fair share of chaos – unexpected kitchen fires, the odd challenging customers, evenings where she was understaffed and overbooked. She has learned, grown, and adapted.

And, that’s the thing about getting older. You become, in a way, the manager of your life. With over 20 years of being you, you are the most qualified person when it comes to You.

You know your ins and outs, ups and downs. You have become more self-aware. And it's not just about knowing what makes you tick, but you have the courage to try to understand why. You learn to recognize your own patterns, triggers, strengths, and weaknesses.

You learn to tolerate you better, to understand yourself with more compassion, and to be patient with you.

You understand you are not perfect and that is okay. This isn’t about reaching some illusory pinnacle of perfection; it's about acknowledging your imperfections and embracing them.

You understand that you have flaws. Hey, you are only human. Of course, you don’t enjoy sitting through traffic jams. Of course, injustice can get your blood boiling. Those feelings of fear, anger, and sadness will always be a part of you. But with time, you learn to better manage them. Instead of reacting impulsively, you become adept at processing these emotions, consciously choosing not to let them dictate your actions or taking actions to prevent these triggers from happening in the first place.

You understand that you are a work in progress. You can change, you can grow and you can work to be a better version of yourself. The power and control are within you.

A better understanding of life

You also begin to understand the world better.

From all the challenges that you face, you become a better problem-solver. From all the bad decisions you make, you learn to make wiser decisions. You also learn that most decisions in life are reversible. So, what if you pick the wrong job? You can quit, up your skills, and apply for a new job.

Mistakes that you make; they are not as significant as you think (with the exception of illegal matters though). But most are just lesson learned, or assumptions that are proven wrong.

You learn to understand other people too, realizing that everyone is navigating their own maze of experiences, struggles, and dreams. You understand that we all want pretty much the same things: fame, wealth, power, and a sense of belonging. We all are imperfect, even our idols and our parents.

You also start seeing that everyone’s journey is different. Comparing your story to someone else's is like comparing the depth of the ocean to the height of the sky. Both are vast, and both are beautiful, but they exist in their own dimensions. Everyone has a unique timeline, filled with challenges, triumphs, setbacks, and milestones. Just because a peer has reached a particular 'life goal' before you doesn't negate your accomplishments or the value of your experiences.

You learn that mainstream beliefs can be flawed and that it is okay to question them and to change your mind and your belief as you are presented with new facts. The same goes for the opinions of the masses; they are not always correct. In your context, you may know better.

You start to think for yourself.

Gradually and hopefully eventually, you find comfort in your skin. You work to be a better version of yourself on your own terms even if that means you're a bit misunderstood. You become comfortable not having to explain yourself or prove yourself to the world. At the end of the day, the peace you find within yourself outweighs any external validation. It is a long shot but that is a part of growing up.

Remember, we don’t just grow old, we also grow up.

And that is a better You.

*******

There is an HBR article titled “Why your late 20s is the worst time of your life?”. I don’t know about you, but I feel validated. And because it is HBR, you know there is actually research that backs this up. So, congrats to us, twenty-something, our struggles are not some irrational entitled emotion, but rather a well-research crisis.

A moment of honesty: I'm still very much in the thick of this Twenty-something existential crisis. Every day is a mix of chaos and clarity. Writing this is me saying, "Hey, we're in this together." Every time I say "you" here, it's actually a note for tomorrow’s me. A pick-me-up for days that feel heavy. But through all this, I'm learning—about me, the world, everything. And while it's a rollercoaster, with each twist and turn, we're going to make it, hopefully in one piece and not so much grey hair.

We're all figuring it out, one day at a time. And there's something pretty cool about that.

If you are still reading, I think you might find The Holistic Phase Model of Early Adult Crisis interesting. According to the paper, there are four phases to early adult development:

• Phase 1: Locked-in
  You feel stuck in life choices you no longer want, often due to societal pressures, like a job or relationship that doesn't suit you.

• Phase 2(a): Separation:

  You start pulling away from old commitments, feeling a mix of emotions from guilt to excitement. This might mean considering quitting a job or re-evaluating a relationship.

• Phase 2(b): Time-Out

  A phase to pause and reflect. You might travel or move to think things over, avoiding jumping into new commitments right away

• Phase 3: Exploration:

  You actively seek out new experiences or opportunities that resonate with your true self, experimenting with new paths.

• Phase 4: Rebuilding:

  You recommit to new choices that feel more aligned with your personal values and aspirations, leading to a more authentic and satisfying life.

So, Phase 4 is when we emerge as the hero in our own story — we are both wiser and have a better sense of self. Isn’t this cool? Looking forward to meeting you in Phase 4.