When to give up

“Never give up.”

“Winners don’t quit.”

The famous sayings go. Society makes quitting sound like a taboo. The conventional wisdom tells us that we shouldn’t quit. We should take it all the way. We should be resilient and persistent. Pain and struggle are good for us.

If we know that the forest in front of us is filled with landmines, we should still charge forward, because having survived will make us strong. You know, “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”

Of course, the analogy above is extreme. No sound person would do that. “It is irrational”, you may argue. But then again, we, humans are not very rational. That is actually the whole premise of “behavioral economics”. Behavioral economics relies on two main principles, one of which states that “we don’t always act in our best interest”.

Now, while I am no behavioral economist (you definitely don’t want a lecture on the subject by Ms. Ly), here is my case for quitting—when you should quit and what you should give up on.

Is this a lost cost? — Sunk Cost Fallacy

First of all, let’s start with why we don’t want to quit. “Other than the fact that we grow up in a society that tells us that quitting is for losers?”, the voice in my head shouts. There. There. Calm down.

Another reason we are reluctant or dread the idea of quitting is what behavioral economists call the “Sunk Cost Fallacy”. Because we have already invested the time, energy, and maybe money into this project, this relationship, this job, it is such a shame to give up now. That means all this prior investment will go to waste. And we hate losing (loss aversion). The more time, energy, and money we have invested into it, the more we want to hold on to it.

“Maybe if I am a little bit more patient; if I try harder; if I put in more money, more time, it may just workout”, we rationalize.

But what if this is a lost cost? What if this has been a waste of time, energy, and money in the first place? Wouldn’t it be wise for us to stop and quit? If you have bought a movie ticket for $20. And 30 mins in, you found out it was terrible, would you stay because you have already invested $20 and 30 mins or you leave so you can still save your Friday night? (To simplify the example, let’s say you go alone) The smart thing to do would be to leave. Yes, you have lost the $20 and 30 mins forever. That time and money are gone forever. But if you stay, you would just continue to waste more of your precious time. Instead of 30 mins, it could be 2 hours. It may be 5 years if it is a job, or thousands of dollars has it been a business.

“But, Por, it is not as simple as watching a movie.” Yes, I hear you. Even if we understand the idea of sunk cost, it is still very hard to act rationally, especially, when we don’t have a magic crystal ball into the future that will tell us whether it will work out or not.

So, have a deadline and milestones.

A deadline forces you to make a decision whether you should quit or keep going, ie. preventing you from more loss but at the same time, protecting you from quitting too early. Your deadline will differ based on your situation and how comfortable you are calling it to quit. That can be very subjective. You should also have KPIs or any form of measure of progress or success. This enables you to be more intentional about your decision.

For example, a serial-entrepreneur friend of mine said he would try out a new business for two years (deadline) and if they don’t receive product-market-fit (the measure of success), he would quit and go on to another thing. Two years is his deadline. That is because two years is how long he can maintain his lifestyle and financial situation without risking the well-being of his family. And for these two years, he is going to commit to making this business work, giving all his best. That way, he knows even when he quits, he would do it without any regret (regret aversion). So, how long is your “two-year”? Have you done everything in your power within this “two-year” to make it work?

Is it worth it? — Opportunity Cost

Sunk cost aside, let’s take a step back. And ask ourselves “is it worth it?”. Is all the struggles and pain you are going through worth it? In the best-case scenario, would the success of this project, job, or business justify the hardship you are going through right now?

If the answer is “Yes!!!”, I want to congrats you for your hard work and persistence, and for working towards something that means this much to you.

However, you will be surprised how often the answer is “No”. Sometimes, we are so busy trying to navigate the problem that we lose sight of why we are in this dark tunnel in the first place.

“Not all battles are worth fighting for.”

Think about it. If your job is causing you anxiety and is damaging your mental health, and it is not getting any better, would getting promoted at the end of the year be worth it?

Ideally, you wouldn’t let your job affects you to that degree.

“Work-life balance”, they say.

“You should separate yourself from your work.”

“It is just a job.”

But we all functions differently. Maybe you care a lot about the work you do. That is how you are wired. To be fair, work occupies the majority of our lives. So I don’t think it is at all irrational to seek a job that is good for your well-being.

Another question to ask yourself is: are you better off doing something else? What are your priorities? Can you spend this investment to do projects that will bring you better satisfaction and contribute to your future goals? This is opportunity cost. When you choose to do this activity or work, you are saying no to other tasks that you can do with that time. And time is the most valuable limited asset we have. After all, an average person only lives 4,000 weeks.

How many weeks can you afford to spend on something that is not worth it in the first place?

Is this really what you want? — Herd behavior & Pre-commitment

Is this thing you dread giving up on something you want? Or this is influenced by others?

Are you just pursuing this because you make a commitment three years ago when you didn’t know better?

We should be intentional about how we live our lives, on the choices we make. While we don’t always know best and tend to make stupid decisions, we should at least be honest with ourselves, and deploy a course correction on that wrong path we decided to take on earlier. It makes us inconsistent, yes, but it also means we are acting in our best interest.

What is the worst-case scenario?

When we are consumed by the problem, we get stuck and lose sight of the magnitude of the problem. Worse, we forget the fact that we have a choice and power to course correct it. We become fearful and don’t make decisions at all. This is called “decision paralysis”. One way to resolve this is to face your fear head-on.

What is the worst-case scenario if you quit? Can you find other alternative solutions to those?

If this is a job, your fear could be financial, self-esteem, and future employment.

• “I need the money.” How much would you need to survive in the next 3 to 6 months without too much compromise on your livelihood? Can you cut down on your expense? Do you have enough savings? Can you find freelance work? Can you find another job — you know that doesn’t have these issues you are facing? Maybe you can start saving now and quit when you save enough (that is why you have the “two-year”).

• “My family and friends will think less of me.” Why do you think so? Would they understand if you explain how this is better for you? Wouldn’t they want the best for you?

• “It will impact my future career search”. Can you explain why you resign? Do you have enough skill set and experience that make you competitive in the job search? Would your ideal employers even care?

While you may not have answers to all these questions or worse, they all turn out to be negative, at least now you know what your fears are, what your trade-offs are, and what your opportunity cost is.

Progress.

I know this is a tough decision. But, it is time to intentional for how you want to suffer.

Regardless of what decision you make, it is now definitely a more informed one. One that you can live with (hopefully).